I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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