Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
