I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
