And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was like eating out sand paper
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
