Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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