guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
