Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
