im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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