just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
