I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
