I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
