your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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