Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
