he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
