I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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