Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
