The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
