i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
