problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
