I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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