Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
