chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
