Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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