Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
