i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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