come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
