no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
