At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
