I'm eating all of the evidence.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
