Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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