Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
