I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
