somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
