Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
