found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
