In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drake has all the answers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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