So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
