I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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