True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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