Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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