all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
