ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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