Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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