Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
