I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
