i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
