I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
