Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
