watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
