I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is my gift to your gina
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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