sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The Olympian is in my bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
