A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
