I hate all girls vehemently.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
