I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
